The Quality of Communication

I am sure that the main criterion for a healthy relationship is the quality of communication. Nothing more. Everything else – attention, responsibility, care, and so on – follows from this.

If you can discuss everything with your partner, in general everything, without condemnation, without harassment, without devaluation and ridicule, without subsequent reminiscences, without accusations, then you are very lucky or you are ready to be in a relationship full of love and harmony.

My practice shows that people in love can talk for hours about everything in the world. Doubts, worries, uncertainty, hopes … There are no forbidden topics, including former relationships and nuances of physiology.

Real intimacy is about being open with others as you are with yourself. This does not mean that you have to constantly live on a plow (we all need privacy and personal space from time to time), it is about the fact that when you are ready and want to share, the other person attunes and is ready to listen to you. With a desire to understand. With sympathy. With support.

He may have his own opinion and may not even agree with you, but he will not analyze your unstable state even more. He will wait for the best moment or choose the right words to convey his idea without catching you.

A caring attitude is what characterizes healthy intimacy. “I shouldn’t be a source of pain for a loved one.” Always affection and tenderness. Even disagreement is mild.

If a person pretends to be a teacher: “Oh look at yourself, you are traumatized, you have to do something with yourself. You shout, hysterically and angry – get some help”, to hell with such a teacher. Immediately.

The one who loves will not say so, because he considers your feelings. If you are angry, it means that you are in pain, and he understands it. “We will solve everything, I love you.”

The one who loves will not go where your suffering lives. Because he feels you, and it will hurt him the same way. It’s like hurting yourself. Mutual feeling.

For someone who loves, it is important that a loved one can develop and realize their dreams, can count on understanding and support in all life situations.

A loved one should be happy. This is the cement of a healthy relationship if both think so in a couple.

If someone torments you, it means that he does not hurt when it hurts you. It’s obvious, isn’t it? If he steps on something that is important to you and does not want to listen to your arguments, then your happiness does not matter to him. Clear enough. If, seeing your feelings, he continues to spin you into even greater emotions, does this not indicate his indifference? Whom does he love and who is he thinking about at the moment?

If you cannot communicate with a loved one, as with yourself, then you have no other close person, except yourself.


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